IF I WERE SANTA
CLAUS
If I were ol'Santa,
you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly
gifts that are given to you,
And deliver some
things just inside your front door,
Things you have
lost, but treasured before.
I'd give you back
all your maidenly vigor,
and to go along
with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the
old color that once graced your hair,
before rinses
and bleaches took residence there.
I'd bring back
the shape with which you were gifted,
so things now
suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your
tummy and smooth down your back
'Til you'd be
a dream in those tight fitting slacks.
I'd remove all
your wrinkles and leave only one chin,
So you wouldn't
spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have
flashes or queer dizzy spells
and you wouldn't
hear noises like ringing of bells.
No sore aching
feet and no corns on your toes,
no searching for
spectacles when they're right on your nose.
Not a shot would
you take in your arm, hip or fanny
from a doctor
who thinks you're a nervous old granny.
You'd never have
a headache, so no pills would you take
and no heating
pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were
Santa, you'd never look stupid.
You'd be a cute
little chick with the romance of a cupid.
I'd give a lift
to your heart when those wolves start to whistle
and the joys of
your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas!
I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me ---
the matronliest
of matrons you ever did see.
I wish I could
tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at
my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've
grown older this wish is sincere
Merry Christmas
to you and a Happy New Year.
Author ~ Unknown
To Me
|
|
